It’s a strongly worded title. If you’re feeling defensive, stay with me for a minute.

I also want to acknowledge that this subject may bring up a lot for you in other ways, especially if you’ve experienced sexual abuse or rape, or if you’ve walked closely with someone who has. I invite you to gently notice what’s happening for you, be curious about what you need, and feel very free to stop reading any time—you can always come back and finish it later if you choose to.

Here’s what I’m not saying:

• I’m not saying it’s your fault that pro-choice people don’t believe pro-lifers care about rape.
• I’m not saying it’s fair for pro-choice people to assume you don’t care about rape.
• I’m not saying it’s true that pro-life people don’t care about rape and pro-choice people do.

Here’s what I am saying: If a pro-choice person assumes you don’t care about rape, they have a reason for thinking that—even if it’s not a fair reason. And they’re not going to be able to take your view on abortion seriously as long as they think you don’t care about rape. So if you care about helping pro-choice people hear you about abortion, then it’s important to understand why they may assume you don’t care about rape, and how to show them that you do care in a way they can actually hear.

Photo by Sasun Bughdaryan on Unsplash

Okay, I’ve said there’s a reason the pro-choice person you’re talking to assumes you don’t care about rape. What’s the reason? 

As I was working on this blog post, I scrolled through some Twitter posts from prominent, conservative, pro-life people about the alleged gang rape at Cornell that was in the news recently. Here are some reasons those posts gave that the alleged victim must not actually have been raped:

• She consented to some sexual activity earlier in the night.
• She drank and got drunk of her own free will before the alleged rape.
• She didn’t say “No” as she was being assaulted.
• She didn’t file her initial report until over a week after the night in question.
• The complaint she filed two years later has a deeper understanding of the severity of what happened than her initial report did.

Again, here are some things I’m not saying. I’m not saying I know for sure there was a crime committed under New York law. Pro-life people should know better than anyone that just because a thing isn’t against the law doesn’t mean it’s not a horrific, violent violation of human rights. I’m also not saying that the prosecutor should have prosecuted based on what he knew two years ago. I’m not saying we should assume the alleged perpetrators must be guilty and treat them like it as soon as any report of sexual assault or rape is made. 

What I am saying is that all of the facts in those bullet points are terrible reasons to conclude someone hasn’t been raped. They are all very, very common in cases of sexual assault and rape, and they do not mean that no sexual assault or rape has happened. The prominent conservative, anti-abortion voices that have said that those things do mean no rape has happened do not understand some very basic truths about rape, and do not care enough to humbly and open-mindedly seek to learn better.

And here’s the thing: I knew exactly what I was going to find on Twitter before I even looked. Because this is a pattern. This is what many prominent conservative, anti-abortion voices say every time there’s a prominent rape case. When their platforms are so big and what they’re saying is so terrible and so predictable, it’s not surprising that many pro-choice people end up painting all pro-lifers with the same brush. And unfortunately, just saying “I care about rape” doesn’t fix it—because many of those prominent conservatives would also pay lip service to caring about rape.

If you want a pro-choice person who’s skeptical that you care about rape to believe you that you care about rape, you need to show them that you do, not just tell them. If they bring it up, spend a minute talking about how harmful rape is and how society’s responses to it often significantly compound the harm of the original rape. (If you don’t know enough about rape to be able to do that, do some research and learning until you can.) Call out the bad behavior of some people who identify as pro-life. Talk about how angry that makes you, if it does. 

Especially when so many prominent pro-lifers say horrible things about rape, you’re not likely to convince a pro-choice person you actually care just by saying something like “Yeah, rape is terrible.” This is one of the most important places in an abortion conversation to lean into and emphasize the common ground you have with the pro-choice person, if you want them to be able to hear you.

Rebecca Carlson

Rebecca is the Director of Philosophy & Engagement at Equal Rights Institute. She is a PhD candidate and former teaching assistant in philosophy at the University of Southern California, where she also cofounded and co-led the student pro-life club.

A sought-after speaker, Rebecca frequently delivers lectures all across the country at academic conferences, colleges, churches, high schools, and other events.

Rebecca’s favorite part of her work at USC was teaching both her philosophy students and her pro-life club members how to cultivate mutual, respectful dialogues with people they disagree with. That work has led her to the strong conviction that if we can teach one side of an issue how to approach dialogues well, people on the other side will very often follow suit, so that we really can radically transform the state of public discourse on abortion just by helping the pro-life side to have a better approach: we can create a culture where people on both sides value each other more and perceive the truth more clearly, and ultimately we can change more minds and save more lives. At ERI, Rebecca uses that passion and experience and her philosophical expertise to train and inspire pro-lifers through writing, video content, live speaking and interviews, academic research, and individual consulting for pro-life advocates and politicians.

“You can’t fix a dialogue single-handedly—it takes two good-faith interlocutors to make a good-faith dialogue. But what you can do is make the first move. You can clearly communicate and demonstrate your care for the other person, your genuine desire to understand where they’re coming from, and your openness to considering their point of view, even while they’re not doing the same for you. It takes a little bit of work and a lot of charity, but if you do that, far more often than not the other person will meet you halfway—even people you think of as crazy extremists.”

Rebecca expects to complete her PhD in philosophy at the University of Southern California in May of 2026. Her dissertation is in metaethics; her other areas of research include philosophy of law, epistemology, and philosophy of religion. She has earned an MA in philosophy from USC, as well as a BS in philosophy, summa cum laude, from Hillsdale College, with minors in mathematics and theatre.